Well, in the dream, anyway. I’m on The Apprentice, see, and Trump is so impressed with my mad single-mom skills that he dumps Melania. He’s tired of perky boobs and cellulite-free thighs. He wants the real thing. I tell him, “Well okay, but you need to do something about that hair.” And he does.

I remember the stolen presidential election of 2000 and I am willing to take action in 2004 if the election is stolen again. I support efforts to protect the right to vote leading up to and on Election Day, November 2nd. If that right is systematically violated, I pledge to join nationwide protests starting on [...]

Finally. Of course, he asked if he could leave his backpack here for a few hours. I should have said no but that’s ok. Free at last!