Good-bye, my friend

Free.

Bets and I first met in 1982, when we were working with Stage Left Theatre Company in Chicago. I was the first business manager, Kathleen was a founding member and an actor. There were a bunch of us pulling nails out of wood, including Betsy. She immediately endeared me to her, as she was known to do! We had so much fun, making wise cracks, pulling out those nails. Kathleen and Bets had just recently gotten together and Bets would be at Stage Left helping out. She was the photographer for the first show we mounted, called “Sorrows of Stephen.” Kathleen had the lead female role. Bets would come to the theatre every evening and call downstairs (where the dressing area was) to BEAN…that’s what they called each other.

My relationship with Bets took on many dimensions. She was my therapist for many years, my best friend, my consultant for my private practice. Nobody listened or understood better than Bets. I’ll always be grateful to her. She changed my life and helped me grow. She knew me better than anyone. Kathleen and Bets lived with me on and off for many years. She fell in love with my dog Cory and, even though she had an amazing scientific mind, she had something of psychic connection with Cory and with me. She didn’t exactly believe in that stuff and was incredulous that it happened to her. But she could actually “read” Cory’s thoughts. I know it sounds goofy. She thought so too! But she told me stuff about Cory that she could not have known any other way, especially after he died.

Bets and Kathleen moved into the same building as me. I would let Cory out in the back and he would sneak upstairs to their apartment, where Bets would feed him food from her fridge. She made sure to give him exactly what he liked the best…chicken. We called him a chicken ho.

Bets and I shared our lives together. She was instrumental in helping me become a therapist. She encouraged me to go back to school. And we both attended the Master’s program at Northeastern IL University. Unfortunately, she became too ill to finish, but never stopped encouraging me to finish.

We attended a conference together at the University of Chicago for Client-Centered Therapy, where we both met Carl Rogers. This was in 1986 and was an incredible experience. In fact, my car was stolen while it was parked nearby the conference. (Not the best of neighborhoods!)

Bets tried relentlessly to get the help she needed for her MCS. She tried everything she could to get better. But unfortunately only got worse. Kathleen was amazingly by her side every step of the way, completely devoted to Bets. They sacrificed so much in search of a “safe home.” Unfortunately, that could not be in Chicago. I was devastated that they had to leave this area. We were able to keep in touch via phone and email. In fact, last New Year’s Eve was the last time I talked to her on the phone. We “hung out” together on the phone and yucked it up…very fun! I’ll never forget our last conversation. She meant so much to me, I have difficulty putting it into words. She was the one person with the most influence on my life. To this day, I still process my thoughts with Bets in mind…”How would Bets think about this?” “What would Bets say about this?” “How would Bets handle this?” I believe the clients I work with today benefit from Bets’ influence on me. Bets had an uncanny ability to put herself in the other person’s shoes and really feel what they felt. She could articulate better than anyone I know. She was amazing.

Rest In Peace, my dear Friend. I love you.

Wendy