Bornfamous

10/19/2003 8:42 AM

Off we go…into the wild blue yonder…

Yes, I’m doing the good old 2500 words a day thing again. A little voice told me just now to get my ass in gear. NaNoWriMo is less than two weeks away and I need to have some habits started by then, so this is it. I tried outlining and felt the creative energy drain right out of me–not a good idea, I guess, at least for me. So I set my browser’s home page to a new post in this private blog [which is only private in the sense that TypePad.com doesn’t show it on the updated blogs list, and I don’t link to it from my main blog, so hopefully no one will see it. Not that there will be any big, dark secrets revealed here–I just want to feel free to write as badly as I need to in order to fill the quota without worrying about an audience.

You: Well, duh! Why put it on the internet at all, then?

Me: Shit, I don’t know. Habit, I guess. It just feels more like writing–real writing–when I blog it. Of course, I just realized I can’t count the words in this format, which means I have to copy and paste it into either Word or Yeah Write for word counting purposes and then paste it back, or maybe I should just write in one of those programs first and then paste it here. Or don’t blog it at all.

Oy. Full circle. Why do I always go full circle with everything? No wonder I get so little done. For instance, I got my disability claim file in the mail from my lawyer yesterday, and now I’m so discouraged I feel like giving up. Discouraged or scared? Scared AND discouraged. I don’t want to think about it. Me and Scarlett O’Hara: “I’ll think about that tomorrow.”

Okay, I searched and found Jot+, a program I lost when my hard drive died, and downloaded a 30-day trial version. I love it for its simplicity of use and outlining features. Too bad I lost all the old stuff I had in it, but that’s probably for the best. Better to start fresh and not be confined by old thoughts and ideas. New ideas! That’s the ticket!

386 words… 2114 to go… oy.

It will get easier, I know that from experience, but oy. Thank God I’ve had the experience, and more than once. That gives me confidence that I can do this if I just stick with it. That’s all that matters, sticking with it. Writing well doesn’t matter, because it will come on its own if I just focus on sticking with it, and don’t worry about the writing. Thank God I can type almost as fast as I think now. Only trouble is, I’m not thinking. Nothing to type.

I just changed the font from Times New Roman to Trebuchet MS, which is much easier to read. Then I got to thinking, “Is Bornfamous set to Trebuchet or something else?” And I had a strong urge to go mess around with it–a sure path to losing another day. If only I could get paid to fiddle around with web sites, things would be sooo much better.